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Prologue to my Story

Thu, Dec 8, 2011 at 9:38 AM By: XxEmoannaxX

Hey guys!!! I'm new here!!!! My friend(I'm sure you alll know her) XxEmo_PaganxX helped me get a profile here so I'm pretty excited!! This is the prologue to my story. I kinda need some help. Maybe if you guys could give me some tips and suggestions, I would really appretiate it!!!

Amillia and her sister Elizabeth were twins they were just alike in every way there was, but they were also orphans that no one really cared about. Amillia was abused at home when she was thirteen years old by her father (who she trusted) her mother never helped her. When Elizabeth was born the abuse got worse, ten years later when Elizabeth was old enough their father started to rape and abuse her. Amillia could tell that their mother wanted the abuse to stop.
One day Elizabeth came running to Amillia crying
“Elizabeth why are you crying?” Amillia asked
“Daddy….kept….touching…me” Elizabeth cried Amillia finally had enough of the abuse and molestation. She went up the stairs and started yelling at him
“How dare you rape Elizabeth, she’s only ten years old”
“She needs to grow up and become a woman” he said to Amillia she couldn’t control her anger anymore. She ran at him without a second thought about the consequences of her actions. With a knife she tried to stab him, but that didn’t work desperately trying to get out of this situation she thrusted her leg up without aiming and kicked him in the shin Elizabeth walked in right before their father threw Amillia off of him Elizabeth screamed
“Don’t hurt Amy you dirty old man” Elizabeth jumped and started to hurt him Amillia got up and helped her little sister. When their mom walked in there was a brief moment when they thought that their mom was going to scream then call the cops
“We’re free!” she exclaimed “Pack your things we’re leaving this place and never coming back”
“Yay Elizabeth said as she ran up to her room to pack then she went with her to get her things too. Their mom ended up burning the house with him still inside of it though he wasn’t alive the smell made them gag. It was around Christmas time and they were on their way back from their grand parents house there was a truck stop and their mother had to stop for some snacks. When Sherrie walked outside to get into the car the back door was opened and Elizabeth was out of the car. Their mother looked under the car only to find a bomb there Amillia was stuck in the car Sherrie tried to get her out, but it was already too late the car exploded and the only thing that was there was a little girl that had her mother’s remains on her. They were sent to an Orphanage called Saint Anthony’s Amillia was adopted, but Elizabeth was not

  1. XxEmoannaxX avatar

    On Mon, Jan 9, 2012 at 8:06 AM, XxEmoannaxX said:

    oh thanx i thought you guys might like it. Anyways if you get confused let me kno

  2. Bogi EMS avatar

    On Tue, Dec 27, 2011 at 3:29 PM, Bogi EMS said:

    Nice story. Continue to write. This your story is great.

  3. XxEmoannaxX avatar

    On Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 9:33 AM, XxEmoannaxX said:

    Okay fixed and you should be able to understand it now. I hope. If you don't tell me and i'll try to make it better

  4. XxEmoannaxX avatar

    On Mon, Dec 12, 2011 at 9:43 AM, XxEmoannaxX said:

    Yea umm i tried to fix that before i posted it give me a sec and it will be fixed and you will also read Episode 1 if you like i don't want to over whelm you

  5. MIA avatar

    On Fri, Dec 9, 2011 at 1:13 PM, MIA said:

    ok, enjoyed reading it???...well, not really, .....wrong wording. Enjoyed your writing.... no one likes to hear that kids are abused but you know what i mean. Enjoyed your writing..
    See...... i am no writer lol
    May the other one get adopted, With nice parents and in a few years the twins meet up together again. (i'm partial to twins being together lol as my twin and i are so scary alike and talk everyday)

  6. MIA avatar

    On Fri, Dec 9, 2011 at 12:39 PM, MIA said:

    hmm, not bad. I found it abit confusing...sorry it seemed rushed. All in one chapter, a lot happened. And i was confused with the ages. So Amillia was 13 when she was abused?
    "When Elizabeth was born started to hurt her, ten years later when Elizabeth was old enough their father started to rape and abuse her."
    It seemed like Elizabeth was 10 when he started abusing her yet Amillia was 13 when she noticed?

    "Amillia was stuck in the car Sherrie tried to get her out, but it was already too late the car exploded."
    So Amillia survived the bomb? didn't seem like she would as the car exploded.
    And me, being a twin,.. can't they get adopted together? :D (i know, i know, it's not how the story is going :D)
    How did they get the dad to stay inside? He tossed Amillia off him, So he'd be up, in time to get out of the house.

    i enjoyed reading it and ha, i am no writer so it could be me just confused. And glad XxEmo_PaganxX told you about this place....welcome :)

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